Read by Esther Perel
What books does Esther Perel recommend?
Psychotherapist Esther Perel reshaped the conversation about modern love through Mating in Captivity and her podcasts, and her book recommendations extend her thinking on desire, connection, and the tensions inside relationships. Gathered here are 26 titles from her official endorsements, her appearance on the Tim Ferriss Show, her Letters from Esther newsletter, and her blog, weighted toward psychology, self-improvement, health and wellness, and society. Her top pick is Terrence Real's Us, which she calls the book that we all need to read to create more thriving and intimate connections. She also praises Peter Attia's Outlive, which she says completely transformed her approach to growing old, and Lisa Taddeo's Three Women, telling readers they will forever rethink the erotics of women. Intimacy, eroticism, family systems, and emotional health run through her choices, alongside the mentors and clinical classics that shaped her own practice.
Last updated March 2026 · Every recommendation cited to its original source.
Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
byTerrence Real
2022352 Pages“The book that we all need to read to create more thriving and intimate connections.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Official Book Endorsement
Read by Bill Ackman, Bryan Johnson, Rich Roll and 4 others
Outlive
The Science and Art of Longevity
byPeter Attia, Bill Gifford
2023496 Pages“Outlive completely transformed my approach to growing old. Peter Attia is among the most brilliant people I've ever met, and he's succeeded in packing a life's worth of insights into this book.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Official Book Endorsement
byLisa Taddeo
2019320 Pages“Offers a fascinating excavation of the intricacies of love and desire, where they conspire and where they conflict. Read this book. You will forever rethink the erotics of women.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Official Endorsement
Read by Esther Perel
Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time
The Fate of Romance over Time
byStephen A. Mitchell
2002224 Pages“It's a gem of a book... his description of the two sets of needs that pull us in different directions [security and adventure] shifted a paradigm for me.”
— Esther Perel
Source: The Tim Ferriss Show, Episode #402
Read by Esther Perel
byZygmunt Bauman
2005164 Pages“His description of nomadism gave me a whole new path of thinking... he looks at nomadism as this trade of our liquid life, where we flow through life like a tourist.”
— Esther Perel
Source: The Tim Ferriss Show, Episode #402
Read by Esther Perel
Family Healing
Strategies for Hope and Understanding
bySalvador Minuchin, Michael P. Nichols
1998304 Pages“I would be remiss if I didn't mention my own mentor, Salvador Minuchin... It will change your whole way of understanding relationships.”
— Esther Perel
Source: The Tim Ferriss Show, Episode #402
Nonviolent Communication
A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
byMarshall B. Rosenberg
2015264 Pages“A timeless classic.”
— Esther Perel
Source: The Tim Ferriss Show, Episode #402
Maus
A Survivor's Tale
byArt Spiegelman
1996296 Pages“A true classic. Filled with heart, angst and tragedy – this story spoke to me deeply as I attempted to grapple with the horrifying truths of the Holocaust as a younger person.”
— Esther Perel
Source: TED Blog
I Don't Want to Talk About It
Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression
byTerrence Real
1998384 PagesSource: The Drive with Peter Attia
Sex at Dawn
The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality
byChristopher Ryan, Cacilda Jethá
2010402 Pages“Challenges conventional wisdom about sex in a big way... A provocative, entertaining, and pioneering book.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Mating in Captivity Bibliography
Read by Tim Ferriss, Charlie Munger, Sam Altman and 22 others
Man's Search for Meaning
An Introduction to Logotherapy
byViktor E. Frankl
2006165 Pages“One of the most powerful books one ought to read.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Letters from Esther
Read by Esther Perel
The Erotic Mind
Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment
byJack Morin
1996400 Pages“In The Erotic Mind, sexologist Jack Morin identifies the 'Four Cornerstones of Eroticism.' Longing — the desire for what is not present — is number one.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Esther Perel's Blog
Read by Esther Perel
Breaking the Male Code
Unlocking the Power of Friendship
byRobert Garfield
2015320 Pages“There is a wonderful book by Rob Garfield... that I recommend to many of you.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Letters from Esther
Read by Esther Perel
Your Blueprint for Pleasure
Discover the 5 Erotic Types to Awaken—and Fulfill—Your Desires
byJaiya
2023304 Pages“Whether you're skeptical, curious, or eager, Your Blueprint for Pleasure is a warm and irresistible invitation to sculpt the erotic life you desire.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Official Book Endorsement
Read by Esther Perel
Practical Optimism
The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being
bySue Varma
2024336 Pages“Chock full of ideas and skills to help you live fully and joyfully in an imperfect, turbulent world.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Letters from Esther, February 2024
Read by Oprah Winfrey, Pedro Pascal, Esther Perel and 1 others
byToni Morrison
1970224 PagesSource: Letters from Esther, February 2022
Read by Esther Perel
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying
A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing
byBronnie Ware
2019320 PagesSource: Letters from Esther, February 2022
Read by Esther Perel
Pay Up: The Future of Women and Work
And Why It's Different Than You Think
byReshma Saujani
2022224 PagesSource: Letters from Esther
Read by Esther Perel
The Anatomy of Anxiety
Understanding and Overcoming the Body's Fear Response
byEllen Vora
2022352 PagesSource: Letters from Esther
Read by Esther Perel
Read by Esther Perel
Home Cooking
A Writer in the Kitchen
byLaurie Colwin
2021224 PagesSource: Book Chat Podcast with Pandora Sykes
Read by Esther Perel
Why Won't You Apologize?
Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts
byHarriet Lerner
2017208 PagesSource: Official Book Endorsement
Read by Esther Perel
Come As You Are
The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life
byEmily Nagoski
2021400 Pages“An essential guide to the science of women's pleasure.”
— Esther Perel
Source: Official Book Endorsement
Read by Esther Perel
byGuy Winch
2018128 PagesSource: Official Book Endorsement
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Frequently asked questions
What books does Esther Perel recommend?
Her 26 picks include Us by Terrence Real, Outlive by Peter Attia, Three Women by Lisa Taddeo, Can Love Last? by Stephen A. Mitchell, and Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg.
What is Esther Perel's most recommended book?
Her top pick is Us by Terrence Real, which she calls "the book that we all need to read to create more thriving and intimate connections," reflecting her focus on the tension between security and freedom.
Where do Esther Perel's book recommendations come from?
They are drawn from her official book endorsements, her appearance on the Tim Ferriss Show, her Letters from Esther newsletter, her blog, and podcast conversations, where she cites both clinical classics and new titles on love and desire.
Has Esther Perel written any books?
Yes. She is the author of two books listed here: the New York Times bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence and The State of Affairs, her book on infidelity and modern relationships.
What subjects does Esther Perel read most?
Her recommendations center on psychology and self-improvement, with strong health and wellness and society threads. They focus on intimacy and eroticism, family systems and communication, and emotional health, alongside the clinical classics and mentors, like Salvador Minuchin, who shaped her own practice.
All 26 Books Esther Perel Has Recommended
- Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship · Terrence Real
- Outlive · Peter Attia
- Three Women · Lisa Taddeo
- Can Love Last?: The Fate of Romance over Time · Stephen A. Mitchell
- Liquid Life · Zygmunt Bauman
- Family Healing · Salvador Minuchin
- Nonviolent Communication · Marshall B. Rosenberg
- Maus · Art Spiegelman
- I Don't Want to Talk About It · Terrence Real
- Sex at Dawn · Christopher Ryan
- Man's Search for Meaning · Viktor E. Frankl
- The Erotic Mind · Jack Morin
- Breaking the Male Code · Robert Garfield
- Your Blueprint for Pleasure · Jaiya
- Practical Optimism · Sue Varma
- The Bluest Eye · Toni Morrison
- The Top Five Regrets of the Dying · Bronnie Ware
- Pay Up: The Future of Women and Work · Reshma Saujani
- The Anatomy of Anxiety · Ellen Vora
- Augustown · Kei Miller
- Home Cooking · Laurie Colwin
- Why Won't You Apologize? · Harriet Lerner
- Come As You Are · Emily Nagoski
- How to Fix a Broken Heart · Guy Winch
- Love Rules · Joanna Coles
- The New Monogamy · Tammy Nelson